mystical_mountain_9 | The Cretaceous Conference

I have lately been shaking my head at the current happenings in Canuckistan and the world around us. I have been in a whimsical mood lately: as it would so happen a fable popped into my head a few days ago while having a shower – I leave it to the reader to make heads-or-tails out of it!

Way back in the Cretaceous Era, all the dinosaurs held a grand annual conference headed by the World Equity Fellowship. Only the most self-important representatives of each species were invited to attend. Species from near and far would fly, swim, run, walk, waddle and lumber to the most picturesque meadow in Laurasia. Inter-species peace and harmony prevailed during the three-day conference.

But one year, the conference was different, as many of the dinosaurs were unsettled – fed up, to be honest. Most of them were tired of the most powerful dino of them all: Tyrannosaurus Rex. Rex was a menace: he made all the rules and then would break his own rules whenever he felt like it. He’d roam the jungles and meadows at whim, and no dinosaur knew whom he would prey upon next. No matter what they did, nobody seemed to be safe from Rex’s sabre-like teeth and gruesome claws. It just wasn’t fair!

Early in the conference, one plucky dinosaur -- Carnotaurus By-the-Brook-in-the-Field – made a speech that attracted everyone’s attention. “We must all free ourselves from the clutches of Rex! He has run rogue for far too long! His rules have no rhyme or reason, and he always plays us to his advantage. But I am not here to complain; I have an idea… a brilliant idea, if I don’t say so myself. Dinosaurs – small, big and medium-sized – unite! Together we can overcome this tyrannical Rex and then we will live in permanent peace and cooperation as equals!”

The assembly of dinosaurs were giddy with delight. They clapped furiously with their paws, claws, flippers, wings and whatever appendages they possessed. They roared and whistled and made all the vocal noises that dinosaurs are capable of. The cacophony echoed from the firmament above. All were eager to hear more.

Carnotaurus continued: “Our strategy is simple: as soon as he arrives at the conference, each of us will attack Rex simultaneously. As a unified force, we will rush at Rex with our claws and fangs and horns and spikes and every other weapon that Nature has endowed us with. Our success is guaranteed. United we stand against the oppression of Tyrannosaurus Rex!”

The crowd was on its feet by this point, ecstatic in its enthusiasm. “Bravo!” shouted Maxakalisaurus Of-the-Black-Rock. “Wonderful – we’re behind you one hundred percent!” exclaimed Krazy Struthiosaurus. “Magnifique! Magnifique!” chanted the Emaciated Microceratus. Everyone praised Carnotaurus By-the-Brook-in-the-Field to the skies for his brilliant, brave and novel solution. Soon a chant spontaneously erupted from within the crowd: “New Laurasia Order! New Laurasia Order! New Laurasia Order!”

Suddenly the giddy chant stopped short. Bursting out of the jungle to the right, Tyrannosaurus Rex leaped into the meadow in full fury, tail lashing about and jaws wide open. His dozens of terrifying teeth gleamed like dagger-shaped diamonds in the bright Cretaceous sunlight. He let out a deafening roar.

All the dinosaurs in attendance stood stock still like insets set in amber – except for Carnotaurus, who dove behind the nearest boulder.

Rex thundered: “Elite of Laurasia, hear me now! The insurrection you speak of has been exposed. And I do not like it; not one little bit. Carnotaurus! I see you hiding behind the big boulder: you are in a heap of trouble, my little ‘friend’! I’ve been easy on your species for quite a while now; maybe I should change my mind, given the impassioned lecture that you have just delivered.

“Let me tell everyone in attendance what’s what – if any dinosaur tries to attack me, I will target your entire species and eat them right out of existence. And you will be the first of your species that I’ll devour because, as all you all know, I like to eat my prey head-first – preferably alive! You have all been warned! Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

Rex gave a single thunderous thump with his left foot and then turned about and stormed away back into the jungle, leaving a traumatized and disoriented conference in his wake. Everyone looked around sheepishly.

For quite a while, the attendees milled about, gathered in small groups, and chatted nervously. Eventually, Carnotaurus By-the-Brook-in-the-Field slinked out from behind the boulder.

Loudly clearing his throat, Carnotaurus drew attention to himself. “As I was saying, comrades, the old order is over, the new order is dawning! Dinosaurs of Laurasia unite! Whoever is on board with me for making the New Laurasia Order a reality, gather to the left!” Eagerly he looked at the gathering, wearing a huge friendly grin, holding his stubby little front legs as wide as he possibly could.

For a minute there was a commotion among the crowd. And then it moved as a mass. Heads bowed, they moved off to the jungle on the right – following the same path as Rex. Slack-jawed, Carnotaurus watched in horror as his magnificent plan to upend the Rex-based-order crumbled before his sad saurian eyes.

Carnotaurus shouted plaintively, “Krazy, Krazy! Don’t abandon me! How can you? We were classmates in the same private dinosaur school! I once lived in your home!”

From the jungle came a sonorous reply: “Sorry dude, just not worth the risk; we Struthiosauruses are practical dinosaurs. Great speech, though. See you next year!”

Addressing the last dinosaur in the pack, Carnotaurus said, his voice cracking, “Eh tu, Brachylophosaurus?”

The bipedal giant simply shook his head, not even looking back at Carnotaurus.

Carnotaurus By-the-Brook-in-the-Field sat alone in the most beautiful meadow in Laurasia for a week, licking his wounds and wondering how such a magnificent plan could have gone so catastrophically wrong. He never did figure it out.